Need help with an ex gf and the possibility of getting back together

September 14, 2008 by  
Filed under Relationship Q & A

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Jeff B asked:

My situation is such:
My ex gf after almost a year made contact with me. Now understand that we broke up because I hurt her by talking to another ex gf while with her.
Ok, so I have been praying to be with her again and in June she contacts me, and mid June we start to talk again building up from a Hi txt message to conversations by txt. She really wont do more then txt messages. We talked once on the phone for about 20-30 minutes about 2 weeks ago. Another bit of info is she has a bf, for almost a year now, and she said she doesnt want to hurt him, but she is confused. I am sure she is probably still seeing and talking to him, so of course he is getting more of a chance then I am with her. But when asked directly she said she wants to be with me, loves me, misses me, and thinks about me. She has also told me she wants this but it will take time and we will do this slowly. Also, she is not the type to play games or mince words. She wont say something she doesnt mean and wont do anything either unless thought out.
Ok, now over the last week or so, it seems like she is becoming distant. Txt’ing less, and when I tried calling on friday I got her voice mail and I havent heard from her since (not even a txt).
I dont know what to do. I want her to keep wanting me and I want to get her back. I love her dearly. But I am scared and I dont want to do the wrong thng either.
Some friends have told me to back off and let her come to me now, some have told me to go to her house and show her how I feel, and one has told me to give up (which really isnt an option for me). I have thought about the plusses and minuses of all those options

I am wondering what your advice is and what you think a plan of action should be to hopefully benefit me with my ex getting back together.
Please help
In addition, I have told her how I feel and she is aware of everything. I have told her how I pray for us. How I love her so much. I try to keep her aware of this. Of course not all the time, but it seems that if I do mention something to her, she is 50/50. Meaning she 50% of the time answers me like I said saying she feels the same, and 50% of the time she doesnt say anything. I have talked with her casually and at times she has brought up our past relationship, including how our “love-life” was, and also asks if I have dates and such. So it is obviously something that she is concerned with and has mentioned to me things like how would it effect me if we got back together knowing that she has been with this bf or questions like what if my ex gf or someone else came along. So she has made some serious thought, but now over the last week or so she has started to become distant it feels.
As advised I am giving her time, but after also talking to a couple of female friends I was also advised to sent a message letting her know what I was doing so she didnt think I just up and forgot about her. I hope you can let me know what you think? I wrote the following letter:
I assume that the lapse in communication between us is really your way to give yourself the space and time you had talked about needing for us to be together again.

With that in mind, I am going to (with all my heart) honor that with a hope that you will talk to me when you are ready.

Know I think about you and love you so much.