Need advice on what to do about getting my ex ex GF back?

March 1, 2009 by  
Filed under Relationship Q & A

carmen1988t asked:

Basically I am hoping that you might be able to help me with a plan of action.
The background to my situation is such. A year ago my ex gf and i broke up, it was my fault since I started talking to my ex gf before her. Nothing happened but my gf couldnt take the thought of loosing me and cut it off before she got hurt again and but still she was devastated by me (understand she was married before and her husband cheated on her, and with me she told me she had loved me more then him). I tried everything I could to get her back but someone introduced her to another guy about a month after the break-up (I guess to help her get over me, since she was hurt so bad) and they have been together ever since. Now about 2 months ago, I heard from her. Appearhently she was looking at my myspace page some, and she started to make contact. She has been telling me alot of things like she wants to be with me and she still loves me and so on (understand this is not a girl who plays around or minces words but puts thought into what she says or does). I have talked with her casually and at times she has brought up our past relationship, including how our “love-life” was, and also asks if I have dates and such. So it is obviously something that she is concerned with and has mentioned to me things like how would it effect me if we got back together knowing that she has been with this bf or questions like what if my ex gf or someone else came along. Now she has told me she wants this but it will take time, she also stated that she was very confused because she loves her BF now and doesnt want to hurt him with her decision. Now we have been talking, but she will only allow for texting (only speaking on the phone once in 6 weeks). Ok, well she suddenly starts becoming a little distant over the last two weeks. So from advice of friends I was instructed to back off and give her some space. So I do but I write her the following email on tuesday morning so she knows i am not giving up or anything:
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I assume that the lapse in communication between us is really your way to give yourself the space and time you had talked about needing for us to be together again.

With that in mind, I am going to (with all my heart) honor that with a hope that you will talk to me when you are ready.

Know I think about you and love you so much.
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Now I havent heard anything back until wednesday night to which she sends me the following email

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Hey! I hope everything is going well. How did Meg handle the funeral? Is she doing okay? I have just been busy working and trying to straighten a few things out. Hope you are doing good. Jess
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So i respond immediately with the follwoing:

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- everything is great. just went under contract on a house. it is NIIIIIIICE! and i am getting a deal too. meg started school today. i am getting things together to start school in a few.
- she didnt go to the funeral. we went to the wake and she couldnt take it another day so we went to “meet the teacher” day and then after we went to the gathering after the burial.
- yep she is ok. that girl can take anything. even her cast doesnt seem to bother or slow her down
- well i hope all is going well with that (referencing the things needing to be straightened out) and you.
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i received another text from her just asking how my daughter and i are doing and saying that she hopes i had a great day. I responded back. and I got another text from her that basically said “sounds good, well i am off to bed. you two have a good night :-)

So i have been receiving some text some e-mails, but basically general in nature. Today I saw on her myspace that her BF is taking her to the gulf, but i got a message from her this morning. that doesnt mean it isnt happening tonight, but i want to send her something that says like what are you doing? why arent you trying like you said you would?

Since then I havent heard anything.
My friends tell me to leave it be. Be a man of your word and give her space. Other have told me it is a good sign she wrote back and even better that she is still asking questions.
I just guess i am wound too tight right now. I love this woman more then she or I know and she hasnt given me a chance to prove to her how 1) sorry i am 2) how it will never happen again 3) how much i love her, and 4) how happy we can be together.

Please advise me. Please guide me. Thank you for all the positive and constructive help.


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