I am getting engaged and my gf asked me an expensive engagement ring. Is it reasonable?
March 20, 2009 by admin
Filed under Relationship Q & A
merculinus asked:
I am from Italy and my girlfriend is american. We’ve been dating for 3 months and she asked me an expensive engagement ring(around 3500 dollars). In Italy people tell me that it is crazy…do you think this is acceptable in the american culture?
P.S.: She is not giving me an engagement present back because she is short of money….
Michell
I am from Italy and my girlfriend is american. We’ve been dating for 3 months and she asked me an expensive engagement ring(around 3500 dollars). In Italy people tell me that it is crazy…do you think this is acceptable in the american culture?
P.S.: She is not giving me an engagement present back because she is short of money….
Michell
Gold digger!
Goldigger written all over it, ditch and run for your life.
Love isn’t about money. If you can’t afford it, tell her, and together you can chose a less expensive, but equally nice, one.
she sounds like a materialistic selfish cow to me.
If you have only been dating someone for 3 months, I URGE you to stop considering marriage at this time. You barely know each other.
As for the engagement ring. You give a ring as a promise of your intent to marry her. She accepts the ring as a promise of her intent to marry you. She does NOT get to tell you how expensive a ring she wants.
man this crazy 3500 $ is expensive ,,, and if she really loves You she must understand that it is not acceptable IN YOUR culture …
It depends on your financial circumstances. If you are a millionaire, it is not unreasonable. The engagement ring is not all about money, it should symbolize your love and commitment to marriage.
The “recommendation” in North America is 2 months salary. My husband didn’t spend near that much. Hopefully there’s more to the relationship than how big her rock is.
Drop her like a hot rock GOLD DIGGER!!!!!!!!
Yes it is very reasonable. That actually is not that expensive, she actually is going lite on you. But on the other hand i dont think you should get her one that pricey because you arent getting anything back in return.
The standard rule in American culture is for the man to spend the equivalent of 3 months of his salary on the ring. However, if she really loves you, she’d say yes regardless of the ring!
She will cheated with you.
Don’t do it the lady just wants the m oney. I am engaged and we have not much money and my bf spent twenty six dollars on my wedding ring set and I could not be happier cause he shows me he loves me everyday money does not matter. If she loves you then she would not ask for so much money to be spent on her. Ever heard of a gold digger.
My ring was $15,000…. it depends on what you can afford and women do not gift back for engagement ring!! I would say that pretty average and on the cheap side in the USA.
In the U.S. $3,500 is well below average and not unreasonable at all. It is also not customary here for the bride to give the groom an engagement present. While the ring is not unreasonable, wanting to get engaged after 3 months is!
As an American girl, she should be happy with what she gets!! Its the symbolism behind the ring that matters, not the size of the ring.
However, $3500 is not too unreasonable for an engagement ring. Remember that she is going to have that ring forever. Pushing like $10000 is unreasonable.
Hello =]
Marriage is about love – If she loves you, she will marry you even if you give her …an onion ring =]
Think about the marriage before you go ahead, i dont think she is being reasonable sorry.. =(
Talk to her, Good Luck =]
I’m an American woman and if I had a guy from Italy the last thing I would worry about is an expensive ring! Italian men are hot and that should be enough as it is!!!! 3 months and already asking something like that is a no no no matter how she rationalizes this. She sounds like a golddigger and if I was you I would carefully think about the ring. I know you love her or you wouldn’t have asked her to marry you but relationship are a two way street not just a one way. She has to be crazy and all American women are not like that! I would just buy her a promise ring this early in the relationship and see what happens.
Well, first of all you have only been together for three months, and if she’s already asking you to buy her expensive things, then I think this is just a sign of things to come in your future together. If she truely loves you then the size of the ring or price would not matter, spend what you can, and if you really want to give her that nice ring that she wants, then wait until you can afford it, if she loves you then she will wait. My suggestion is to wait until you can afford it, save up. If she doesn’t like this idea then it wasn’t meant to be, I think you should date really know someone before you get engaged. I hope it all works out for you!! =)
I think you should get her a simple gold ring not very expensive the reason being that if shes into material objects that much instead of being into you the relationship wont last anyway …Ask her does she love you or gold
Yes it IS reasonable. When you get married your lives merge. Your problems become hers and vice versa. She is promising herself to you forever. For most women, the ring is a symbol of how much you care for her.. a bragging right. i know it seems shallow, but it is an accessory that she will wear every day, every where. If it’s not super nice, then it’s like saying you don’t think she’s worth something special. i’m not a materialistic person, but when it comes to the ring.. you’ve just got to break down and splurge. $3500 is nothing in the span of a lifetime.
Abort abort…Eject EJECT!!
Esca ora questo non è ragionevole. Mentre le ragazze più americane potrebbero essere disposte a fare questo è un triste tende. Non hanno abilità mentre le mogli e desiderano tutti i soldi e proprietà. Le ragazze americane vi prenderanno i vostri soldi e per non lavoro.
This is a sign of the future my friend do not ignore it.
Indietro nei giorni quando un uomo è andato lavorare ed in una donna lo ha rimasto nel paese era l’abitudine che tre mesi di stipendio erano il prezzo di un insieme dell’anello. Le cose sono cambiato con la donna che ha una carriera tranne la casalinga anziana di tempo. Ma la maggior parte delle donne rifiuta di espandere quel progressivo pensando all’idea che un uomo debba servire verso l’esterno tutti i contanti per gli anelli e che cosa non mentre non devono scambiarsi per la posizione accoccolata. Dico che la maggioranza di loro ha questo d regolato mente per la ragazza moderna reale che dirà appena sì e l’anello non sarà un’edizione e desiderate ottenerle il più meglio possiate e vi desidera lo stesso per.
Man, if you have money, that’s all she’s after is yours. That’s insane… you don’t ask for a ring like that, that’s just wrong. You appreciate what you are given. You’re being used …
In America, the rule of thumb is 2 months salary for an engagement ring.
If you do not get married and it was her “fault” (she backed out or was unfaithful) the ring returns to you. If you called off the marriage, she retains the ring.
However, I have never heard of what is apparently a custom of your country, an engagement present. Since she cannot give you a gift, and it is indeed a custom, you have room to “negotiate” with her. I’d use it to my advantage if money is a factor in buying the engagement ring.
If she persists, realize you are marrying a spoiled brat and life with her will forever be a monetary challenge where you will be forced to keep up. Not the best circumstances for marriage.
Good luck.
Peace.
Love is all about surprises, it should not have any condition. If you don’t feel like getting into such an expensive requirement or not in a position to do it right now, will the love still survive. Please think wisely and try to weigh these things. Get to know if this lady loves you or what you can do to her. All the best.
Wait, I don’t think I’m understanding this correctly. She actually told you she wants a $3500 engagement ring?!? What a spolied rotten little brat! Run, run, run as fast as you can! No woman should “tell” her man what ring she wants. The man should get her something he thinks she’ll love and be honored to wear for the rest of her life, and she should appreciate that gift. Cost and size should NOT matter! Unfortunately, we do have more spoiled little “daddy’s girls” in America than in the rest of the world, but please don’t assume that we’re all like this. Most of us ladies APPRECIATE the fact that we’ve found a man who wants to spend the rest of his life with us without worrying about how much something as important as an engagement ring costs.
Jewelers will tell you that two months of salary is reasonable. Other people will say one month of salary is reasonable. I say it’s not about the ring. It’s about the love.
yes, its kinda crazy… you are the one buying for it so you should decide of how much… you try to explain to her that you need to spend within your budget. im sure she will understand if she truly loves you.
I think getting engaged after 3 months is very, very soon.
The average engagement ring in the US costs in the mid $2,000 range. I believe jewelery in Italy costs less than it does in the US because you have many fine jewelery makers there.
Why are you marrying a girl you’ve only known for 3 months? It’s possible that she’s using you, is unrealistic about money, or has something to prove- like “my ring is bigger than yours” to her friends.
If she’s broke, have you looked into her finances? Is she “always” broke? If she lives beyond her means and habitually spends too much money, she will get you in debt. Is she in debt already? If so, those debts become yours when you marry.
Heck, she may just want the ring to sell it and then dump you.
i agree with Delilah! seek for her (Delilah) she’s the most reasonable girl in the world.
Drop her like a bad habit. She is ONLY interested in you for your money!
If you DO decide to marry this unruly person, SIGN A PRE- NUPT!
In America the man buys the woman the engagement ring, he normally doesn’t get a ring back from the woman. But a good rule of thumb for buying an engagement ring is about two months salary. What you make in two months worth of pay should be your budget price for the ring you purchase. If you can’t afford the ring that she wants, then you need to talk to her and let her know. Then the two of you can choose something within your price range. After all, an engagement is about love, not the price or the size of the ring. I hope that helped you and the best of luck to you !!
Let me ask you this.
Are you going to let some bauble show her your love, or are you going to let your entire life show her your devotion?
Why would you want to spend more than you should on a ring or some super-fancy, debt-inducing wedding and honeymoon, to impress her? After all, nothing says “I love you” like fighting over the visa bill.
Also, buying expensive gifts sets a bad precedent. What is she gonna want for your anniversery, a new car? Just remember, the number one cause for arguements in a marriage isn’t money, it’s NO money.
yes that is ridiculous. Dont do it. Waste of money. Especially if youve onyl known her for 3 months. Get to know her more before you pop the question. She sounds like a goldigger to me
First of all, you’ve only been dating 3 months? Secondly, for some reason, $3500 doesn’t really sound like all that much to me, but at the same time – I can definitely see your point. If she’s dictating how much you should be spending on her ring, she’s way too concerned about money and apparently may not love you for you.
$3500 is a reasonable amt of money for an engagement ring. that is about middle line. it’s not too small and cheap but it’s not HUGE and expensive. that’s about normal.
my first engagement ring (yes, i’ve been engaged more than once) was about $6000 and my second one was about $3000.
i love my $3000 one more b/c it’s from my husband and it’s a representation of his love for me.
as for an engagement present for you….i’ve never heard of this….i don’t think that’s an american thing….
If you cannot afford it, do not get it.
She should understand where you are coming from.
And it’s not about the ring, it’s about what it symbolizes.
Simple. Why should you respect her culture in this?
She can learn to respect your culture, starting right now.
Your culture is much more sensible.
In addition to that: 3 months is NOT a long time. If it breaks, which is possible, you understand that the ring is hers.
That’s ridiculous~ the ring should be picked out by you, if you want my opinion, and it shouldn’t matter to her whether it’s a toy ring from a candy machine. Getting married is about love and committment, not the rock on her finger.
Your biggest issue is that you are about to get engaged to someone you’ve only known 3 months. I strongly encourage you to wait until you’ve been dating at least a year. You need at LEAST that time to really get to know each other and to work out any issues.
I don’t think that liking a $3500 engagement ring automatically makes one a golddigger. It’s probably mid-range in price as far as enagementment rings go. But if that’s not something you can comfortably afford, it’s too expensive.
I’m concerned you say she is short of money. Is she chronically short of money? Does she earn enough to support herself? Does she save money? Does she have a retirement plan? Is she very spendy? If she does not handle money well, that should be a big red flag, and make you think twice about marrying her. It’s important to marry someone who maturely handles money.
if she really loves you, she will be happy with what you get her. find a good deal on a ring at a wholesale place or a diamond direct place… you can always try ebay… then, get it appraised… it could appraise for more than that… if she wants her ring to be $3500…it is really the appraisal that determines that, not how much you pay… b/c what it is appraised at is what it is “worth”…besides all the love that comes with a lifelong commitment
Sounds like she is very materialistic it shouldnt matter how much it costs but for what reason she has been given it. She shouldn’t ASK for a engagement ring anyway but wait till she is asked. If this is what she is like with a ring think about the wedding think she will want the most expensive wedding going. Is this the sort of person you want to spend the rest of your life with, someone who is only concerned about how much something cost & not the sentimental side of the gift???
Are you guys in a long distance relationship? If the answer is yes she may be scamming you for the money. If the answer is no and she truly loves you and not the money she should be happy to receive whatever you give her.
The ring is a symbol of your intent to marry her. It should be whatever you want to give her. If you have a lot of money and you decide to marry her get a lawyer and have her sign a
prenuptial agreement. If she flips out over a pre-nup and you getting a ring of your choice. Then you know she is only using you for the money.
It is not unheard of to get married after knowing someone for a few months. In this case though you may want to get to know her better. What if you did a promise ring? A promise ring is for promise of an eventual engagement ring. This may be a good way to test the waters. If she sticks around longer then maybe you can go and get a $3500 ring.
Good luck and I hope everything works out.
yes that’s crazy- sorry, mine cost $354. My fiance gave me his great-grandmother’s ring, and we had to buy a new band for the diamond.
It is not reasonable to ask for an expensive engagement ring. It is considered rude in the U.S. also.
Also $3500 while not inexpensive is not too much above the average cost of an engagement ring in the US. I have read it is about $2500-$3000.
She’s a gold digger. Lose her. Anyone who judges the value of their fiance based on how much money he’s willing to thow away on a little shiny rock that is dug from the ground is an idiot (sorry, had to say it). You deserve better than someone who expects diamonds as a token of affection. If she really loved you she’d marry you without a ring at all. Her “love” is conditional, it needs to be paid for. Watch how fast she drops you when you tell her you’re not spending more than $1000 on a ring. She’ll be gone before the jeweler can open the case.
first of all a 3500 ring is expensive as far as a present but as an engagment ring it is not that unusual, nor is it that expensive. and traditonally a man used to save 3 months pay for the engagement ring. so anyone saying that this girl is just a gold digger…is wack. if she is only digging for a 3500 ring she is digging in the wrong pot. so i do NOT think her intentions has anything to do with your money. Also as a girl, the ring you put on her finger is there for life! so its okay to go a little over the top! she shows it off, takes pride it in. yes it is only a symbol of your love and it shouldnt matter the price tag on it or really if it is even there. but at the same time it is an investment many women enjoy for the rest of their life
Yikes, after only 3 months you are getting engaged to her? Aren’t you worried about moving to fast? Especially after she said that to you. I would be wondering…
I think she request you for a ring is very reasonable ,but for a very expensive ring,i cannt understand.
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