Does disagreement on an abortion decision or not telling your partner you had one grounds for breaking up?
January 25, 2009 by admin
Filed under Relationship Q & A
Lasata asked:
Would you break up with someone if they hid the fact that they had an abortion while you were toghether?
Rick
Would you break up with someone if they hid the fact that they had an abortion while you were toghether?
Rick
I saw the words breaking up, does and abortion, sorry.
If they hid an abortion while we were together, then yes I would break up.
It depends… At the moment I don’t feel ready for having children, but It would surely have been nice if she had told me.
If we were married, well, I’d love to have kids.
yup, it’s over.
I think in the greater picture, it boils down to the fact that your significant other,by not telling you of this rather invloved and life altering event, has been dishonest or has lied to you. Being such an important decision, it is crucial for any realtionship to have open and honest communication and if that can’t be established then it may not be the healthiest relationship to begin with. If it were me, yes, it would be grounds for a breakup.
Absolutely I would break up with her if she hid the fact that she aborted what would have been our child. It also means that she would have had to hide the fact that she had been pregnant at all. That’s dishonest and I consider it lying. Where’s the trust and communication?
If she wanted an abortion and I did not, well there really isn’t **** I can do about it. If I wanted an abortion and she did not, well there really isn’t **** I can do about it.
Either way, I recognize that it’s HER choice. But that doesn’t mean I have to agree with it or stay with her.
I am currently dating a guy who does not agree with me on the abortion issue, so disagreeing on the ISSUE isn’t strong grounds for a breakup. But I would tell him if I ever had one, or if I was pregnant and thinking about getting one. And yes, I think it’s grounds for a break up if a girl fails to tell her boyfriend she had an abortion while they were together.
yes, that isn’t fair to them and it breaks trust. You can’t have a relationship without trust
Yes. Regardless of anyone’s views on it socially speaking, hiding something as provocative as an abortion while in a monogamous relationship is nothing less than dishonest. And besides, even getting past that – I would think that not being forthcoming about something like that is a strong indicator of a person’s ability to be dishonest about many other things going forward in a relationship.
Yes. That is one of the big things you should agree on in a relationship. Not telling would mean lack of trust. That’s another big thing in a relationship.
All relationships must be built on trust. If I am with a partner and my partner decides to not trust me by having an abortion then I think the trust is broken.
This is the thing, if you had the abortion before the relationship, then it is open season it is your choice to tell or not to tell. But If you are in a relationship and this happened…. If you did not tell, the trust does not exist any more. You did not trust him / her to share this during the relationship. It is that trust which does not exist.
Hay
All the best / in life many things happen on this issue there is no wrong or right answer.
When it comes to love and romance, there “ain’t” no such thing as logic! Forget having rational grounds for this or that. They don’t exist in romance, marriage, love and all the horrors of the straight lifestyle. There never has been any logic in love. Would I tell some bloke I had an abortion? Sure “Hey, Bubba, I got rid of my first stinking brat at the clinic. Hope you don’t mind. But if you do, there’s the door, don’t let it hit you on the way out!”
But, if I were straight, and being pro-choice, I wouldn’t want some superstitious pro-lifer in MY life. I don’t think a woman needs tell ANYBODY about a prior abortion. However, consensus between partners about Pro-Choice or Pro-Life would be a good idea with the idiot laws of the USA and all. Capisce?
I wouldn’t marry a man if you paid me, but if I did, the bloody ******* had better be in 100% agreement with me about everything! I’m like Elizabeth 1st of merry England. “I’m the mistress here and there’ll be no MASTER!”.
I doubt it for most as far as whether you had one in the past, but if you were deeply religious it could cause a rift between you that you might not be able to get over…
I think disagreement on whether to have one would definately be grounds for breaking up. If you killed their child against their will, It tends to be hard to get over that. On the other side of the coin, it would be hard to stay with someone and raise a child, if you had opted for abortion of that child.
Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me.
…and would I be willing to be a fool twice over??
No Way!
so…
GO YOUR OWN WAY….
Definitely …break it off.
well disagreement is a matter of opinion, but a decision is something different!
not telling your partner that you are pregnant is a neg mark on that person!
not telling your partner you had an abortion WITH HIS CHILD is 100% grounds for breaking up.
how much bigger can a trust factor be, than to not never mention the possiblitly of a child being born!
if you were pregnant with another persons child, well duh you didn’t wanna be with that person anyway, cuz u cheating on them. so that makes no difference, unless is was befreo you was together and if that is the case then i would say, until you are very close to getting married, and becoming one in a family, right now is too early for you to mention this! But it doesn’ seem that is the case.
Rizzo
I agree that any deception in a relationship is a big issue, I wouldn’t stay with someone I felt the need to lie to, or who lied to me. On the other hand, if he wants a baby and she doesn’t, she may think that it’s kinder not to tell him and inevitably upset him about something he can’t change anyway.
Also if an anti-choice person goes out with a pro-choice person, you sort of have to wonder how strong their beliefs are if they don’t extend to the person they might be getting into that situation with? I personally couldn’t respect a man who questioned modern reproductive rights and don’t think I would stay with one. I come across a lot of men who say they are pro-choice but are personally pro-life, in that they wouldn’t want their partner to have an abortion. These men need to realise that by going out with pro-choice women they are putting themselves in a very vulnerable position should the woman choose to end a pregnancy in the future. I think if you are seriously pro-life, you should take steps to avoid what could be a very painful situation later, rather than complain and feel hard done by after the fact.
abortions are a touchy a topic as religion and politics. if you bump heads on the subject it does leave room to break up.
I would break up with someone if I got pregnant and they suggested I had an abortion. But I hope that through open communication from the start, that’ll never happen.
Yes! Yes! I believe in the value of life. I believe that people who use abortion as a means of birth control is so wrong. I believe that if you are at any level of intelligence you would know this. But to understand that there can be fear about the future of a child that is brought up in a place that it isn’t cared for can be scary. Adoption is the answer. Many family’s can’t have children because of infertility. That child could possibly cure cancer or even write a novel that effects people to change the way they think.